Thursday, November 27, 2003

Last night, Lilia had relatives visiting from the village, so she could only stay out until around 7:30 pm. There was another Hockey game so we couldn't go Ice Skating. We talked. We sat at a cafe and went over my budget for next month because her mom can't understand how anyone can possibly go through over $1800. in any month, let alone, every month. (See next several paragraphs for graphic explanation). ;o)

Then later, I went to the Millenium Disco to see Ira. (She was supposed to be there). I still don't really think she likes me, but she has a lot of girlfriends. They wern't there, but I had a good time dancing for about an hour by myself. I used up the last of my mobile phone calling her and her friend, Nadya. By the time I left, Nadya had called a bunch of girls and in the cab on the way home, called me to say she'd be there in a minute. So I turned the cab around and went back. There were 5 girls. Really, four girls and one woman. The woman's name was Vika. She's Ira's gynocologist's assistant. I was not attracted to her, alas. But at least she wasn't only 19 years old like all the others. ;o)

Ira wisely realized I wasn't going to pay 20 grivnas each for all 5 girls to get into the club (100 grivnas = approx. $19) so we got in separate cabs and the girls went to the club, "Dink" and I and Nadya went to Ira's flat to fetch her. When we got there, Ira had another friend with her, Natasha. I was sitting in the back seat, Nadya in front. When Ira got in, she had Natasha get in next to me. To me, this was (finally!) a clear and unambiguous form of communication that she is indeed simply not interested in me now that she's seen me in the light. We talked later. Now we're "just friends". ;o| But at least I can have fun at discos with pretty 19 year olds as long as I'm willing to buy drinks for them.

I like that, because here in Ukraine, I feel very vulnerable when I'm alone at a disco in a way which totally disappears when I'm with a gaggle of chatty girls. Lilia has explained this to me before: Here on this side of the world, it is dangerous for me to walk the streets at night by myself, but when I am together with a Ukrainian woman, the drunks will leave me alone, presumably for the same reason they leave stray girls alone. Kind of strength-in-numbers meets girl-power combined with the fact that I (and most other American men who think they blend in) stick out like sore thumbs here and are seen as targets worth steeling from (as opposed to other men and women).

I danced for another hour and a half, spent 80 gryvnas on drinks for all the girls I avoid the problem of strangers wanting to be new "friends" with me and suddenly being stuck with their bartab by giving money to a girl that I either am interested in or came with; in this case, Ira and telling her to buy drinks for everyone. This is clever four ways; she realizes that she is important, I get to see how she spends money and on whom, and I am no longer an interesting target. I got home at 3 am. At last, actual exercise! I was even sweating! So now I finally have danced. Let's see how often I do it.

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

The server is having problems now. I haven't been able to post in a couple days, but since I'm using Blogger, it keeps the posts for me until it can put the up at lionslair- which should hopefully be within the next day or so.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Well, the ice skating rink was taken over by a city-wide hockey match. ;o) It was kind of exciting. I could even see a lot of it. But after a while, Lilia was cold, so we left for a cafe to warm up. Then later, I called Ira and she said she had to study so she wasn't going dancing tonight after all. She said she was going on Thursday night. I asked her if she wanted me to join her and she said, "sure", but she couldn't be bothered to come and collect me (since I've nver been to the disco she's going to). I think she doesn't really like me. Oh, well. When I got home to change my socks, I just didn't feel like going out again, so I didn't. This morning, Anya called me and said she wants to introduce me to another girl. Hmm.. I'm skeptical, but I'll meet with her tomorrow at my favorite cheap cafe (It's called, "New Day") at 2 pm. Hey! It's a mirical! It is the last week of the month and I'm not completely broke and borrowing money (yet)! :o)
I'm going Ice Skating again tonight with Lilia, Gena and Gena's 11 year old daughter, Ann. Then later, I'm going dancing at the disco with Ira.
So today I'm feeling depressed again. Today it feels like I cannot find any woman who is attracted to me. I'm once again listening to intelligent women here who, like those in the USA, say that all women want a man to be friends first. The problem with this is that -in my experience- what they really mean is that they want to be friends only. That is, they are happy to have my emotional support but they are not interested in ever creating a physical relationship with me. This is extremely frustrating. I can get this with women who speak my language! Grrrr. Bottom line: Women are just all giving me excuses; what they really mean is that none of them ever want to be intimate with me and they're not brave enough to say so to my face! Well, that's how I'm feeling right now, anyway.

Monday, November 24, 2003

Okay. Now I'm trying to use yet another blog client program, BlogWorkz. This one seems to work better. I'll try it out for a few days...

Sunday, November 23, 2003

Now that I'm no longer with Anya (ostensibly because she didn't want to cuddle all night) I thought I was looking for another cute hot young woman to fill that roll, but now I'm not so sure. I keep modeling relationships with such persons in my brain and coming up empty. I think I may finally be on the verge of actually wanting more in a relationship besides sex (for a change). Pretty cool on one hand. Kinda depressing on the other; I mean, now I have all the more requirements for a partner besides the other ones. :o) Also depressing is that it has taken me until age 42 to come to this point, but <Sigh> we all have to start someplace, eh?
Last night after my date (see below) I called and asked Lilia if she wanted to do anything. We're friends now. She suggested we go ice skating. Sounded good so I also invited my friend Gena who brought his 11 year old daughter, Anna (His wife, Sveta is working this week) and the four of us had a great time. I skate very badly. ;o) But maybe I'll practice. We'll see...
Yesterday, I met (and had a date with) a girl from a village. She was 24, very sweet, had very bright eyes but the rest of her face looked more like 40. She also had very long beautiful hair, but only on the back of her head. (The pictures above are apparently not recent). She artfully had it draped over the parts on the front where it had fallen out because of AIDS? Malnutrition? (radiation) Poisoning? I have no idea. She was very quiet and didn't say much after asking me about my income. She seemed genuinly surprised at the idea of not working. But she also seemed like she liked me. (Or at least was starstruck). We'll see. I'll see her again next Sunday.

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