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Published On: Oct 17, 2003 08:00
Total entries in this category:
Published On: Oct 17, 2003 08:00
New friend
I received a reply to my yahoo
personal ad a couple weeks ago. I've been corresponding with Marianne, a friendly pagan who lives
in San Francisco and used to be a teacher. She has helped me figure out some
very heavy things about my feelings lately, for which I am very grateful. I, in
turn, have helped her begin to learn a little
HTML.
In particular, although I have guessed for quite some time that my obsession with sex has been somehow closely related to feelings of starvation of early childhood nurtureance, discussions with Marianne have yielded far more precise new awareness.
Specifically, since my parents had no clue how to nurture me when I was small and I, as all babies instictively knew what I needed, I instead turned to the television. The creatures shown on TV, beautiful, slim white models, would look into my eyes and I could sit close enough to see their faces; something otherwise unknown to me. The only other people I can remember who ever bothered to look at my face close enough for me to actually see them besides my brother and sister (very occasionally) were my parents, who already prooved themselves untrustworthy emotionally. So the first time I feel really nurtured is with a lover. Hence, the obsession. Now that I know what is really going on in here, I feel much better prepared to go out in the world and get what I want and need. I still feel like I need extra nurturance, but this feeling is becomming less pronounced than it has been for many years, for which I am extremely thankful.
In particular, although I have guessed for quite some time that my obsession with sex has been somehow closely related to feelings of starvation of early childhood nurtureance, discussions with Marianne have yielded far more precise new awareness.
Specifically, since my parents had no clue how to nurture me when I was small and I, as all babies instictively knew what I needed, I instead turned to the television. The creatures shown on TV, beautiful, slim white models, would look into my eyes and I could sit close enough to see their faces; something otherwise unknown to me. The only other people I can remember who ever bothered to look at my face close enough for me to actually see them besides my brother and sister (very occasionally) were my parents, who already prooved themselves untrustworthy emotionally. So the first time I feel really nurtured is with a lover. Hence, the obsession. Now that I know what is really going on in here, I feel much better prepared to go out in the world and get what I want and need. I still feel like I need extra nurturance, but this feeling is becomming less pronounced than it has been for many years, for which I am extremely thankful.
Posted: Tue - February 11, 2003 at 12:00